2024-07-25

Cleaning As Conflict In Coupledom

• A common disagreement with men and women who live together is a difference in standards of cleanliness. A man may only clean once every five days and a woman once every three. This means that the woman ends up doing the cleaning before the man ‘gets a chance’ to clean.
• The man may feel justified in not cleaning because it is not dirty to him. While this may be true, it is not only a useless way of framing (in that it doesn’t help him with his goals) it actively destroys the relationship by forcing his partner into two choices: a) living in worse conditions than she finds acceptable or b) cleaning for two people.
• “But it’s nonsensical”. Making airplane noises for babies to eat is nonsensical but we do it and gladly so.
• The way out here is empathy. Make it as comfortable as you can for your partner not as least comfortable as possible. Go beyond your ego, that’s the basis of connection.